My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
