I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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