omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
