I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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