Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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