I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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