Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
