Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
you had me at cake vodka
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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