just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize