So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
