i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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