My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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