You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
