guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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