we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Come see our sink grown plant.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
