Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
