At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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