we made out on top of his cat.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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