literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
