dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
