can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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