Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
