I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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