Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
