Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
