Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
