I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
