my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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