first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
