if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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