But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
