I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize