im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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