sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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