she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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