Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
