The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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