He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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