and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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