all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
