and you said cock pushups were impossible
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
