I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
