update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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