Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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