she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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