Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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