he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...