Apparently you make a good broom.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.