you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
