I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
