Pass out mid-funnel last night.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
