I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
