do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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