I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
