I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
