watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
