based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
FUCK WHALES
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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