i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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