girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My life is pants optional.
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