i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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