she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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