He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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