Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
be right there i have to get my cape
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
