Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
