And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
