Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
