dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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