you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
