Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
