she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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