john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
