I don't think brook has ever known best
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
