I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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