just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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