24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
