its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
this boner is exhausting
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
