So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
