Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
only you would photoshop your dick
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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