Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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