How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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