We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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