Whatcha textin bout Willis?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
