Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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