I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
