my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
