You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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