if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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