so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Randomize
